My daughter is an 11 year old with ADHD. My daughter asked me last night if she should lie to the kids at school and tell them that she has a boyfriend. Imagine my speechless-ness. This is really a shame, and I am disappointed in this society. I didn't raise my daughter to lie, and I didn't raise my daughter to care what others think. Of course, there's a history for her. She's always struggled socially, she's always turned to teacher's to make her time at school bearable, and to provide comfort from the children that have rejected her. She's always been the smallest in her class, and she's been verbally harassed and bullied, to the point of being attacked by a classmate FIVE times her size.
She's never been interested in sports. This year she's tried out for 2 teams, and because of her size, hasn't made either one. My daughter loves chess, but because some of the kids snickered when she said she wanted to join chess club, she said she didn't want to do it.
My uncle told me when she was about 3 months old, that my daughter was going to be a singer. My daughter loves music. She does love to sing. She's gotten a {real} keyboard, an electric guitar, and karaoke machine in the last 3 years for Christmas. We've bought her instructional DVD's and sheet music. My daughter's school does not have a choir or offer a band program, therefore there is no way for her to meld her love of music into a school related activity. Of course, I've had her on a list for the Jewett School of the Arts since Kindergarten, but I don't have the kind of money it takes to buy her a seat there.
I understand there are things about ADHD and this society that I cannot change. It seems as if every time there is an issue, she is the one who made to suffer because they want HER to change, instead of having to do the difficult thing, and inspire change in the students and schools. I understand that we live in tough times. Single parents, job loss, homeless families. That's just to name a few. But we are still parents. We are still affecting the lives of our children with the choices we make. When we are too busy to monitor what they are watching, who they're talking to, and where they are every minute of every day, we let them go. They are too young to be let go.
We cannot make our children into what we are not. I see girls at my son's elementary school wearing skinny jeans, heeled boots up to their knees, and their hair is dyed every color of the rainbow. Call me conservative, call me old-fashioned if you like. But these are CHILDREN. They are NOT your Barbies. So you had kids and your hair's a mess and you're hips are wider, and you can't wear heels because your feet are bigger. That's YOUR problem. You are doing nothing for these girls by trying to make them into everything you're NOT or a miniature version of what you are.
Make the changes within yourself if you want to help your daughter. Love yourself so that you can love them. FIX YOU. Maybe then, I won't have to tell my daughter that a boy of 11 or 12 years old, doesn't have anything to offer her and won't make her popular, and instead I can tell her that she's beautiful and doesn't need a boy's approval. I can tell her the most important thing for her right now is to be a child and get a good education, not to worry about "swag"..because there's not a middle school aged child on the earth that has it.
My daughter has ADHD. She's still her Daddy's princess...I only just wish she could feel like one.
